D3 body, D1 cock
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
Randomize
