No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I think they were cool with it, they should have know if I was the host of the baby shower it was going to involve a keg and jager shots.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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