he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
