you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
My breath smells like gin and sadness
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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