apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
