She said her name was "party"
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
