I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
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