you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
