At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
