Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
