I heard we made out
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Anyone who does not know who Paul McCartney is does NOT get to put hands in my pants
Randomize
