At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
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