I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
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