and she was petting her beer can
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
