After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
