Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
