Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
