She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
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