I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
high people should be assigned attendants
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
