Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Randomize
