this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Were you the one who yelled "FOR GLORYHOLE!" then punched a hole through my door?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
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