I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
