I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
