i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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