I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
Randomize
