what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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