I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
