sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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