I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I called 911 when they kicked me out of the bar last night.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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