Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I met the friendliest cop last night
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Randomize
