I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
