My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
i just google imaged poop.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
