Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
