i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Houston, we have a blender
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
