At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
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