Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
Randomize
