Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
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