Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
