now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
I need to stop coming to work sober
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
