dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
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