is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
then he tried to convert me to islam
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
