I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
