Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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