If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
