Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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