he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
