You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
