i cant believe jose lima did steroids
apparently the kind that make you shitty at baseball
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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