Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
