By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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