ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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